This seems to be at the crux of NPD, the refusal to show vulnerability. Talk therapy is the main treatment for BPD. She is a wonderful Woman and I love her with all my heart, my life, my everything. I can't help it. Everyone is that way for different reasons so how do you know if you deserve for example to write a letter like this to give people around you so they can "understand" and not feel so bad about the whole situation. Debbie, Hi Damask thank you so much for taking the time to write such a beautiful comment. I tried to help her by pleading not to go back to the guy after he choked her (!!!) The struggle may get easier, but it will always be there. ive stuck with her while she tells people 1365 dif reasons we arent together. Recovery happened through a commitment to DBT. It can indeed be inspiring to read these stories. It has been the most challenging part of my entire life, I love her unconditionally and with all of my heart yet it never seems to be enough, to be noticed, to be accepted. and constructing a gulf of silent hostility between us as a way to soothe the slashed open scars of previous . Use non-judgmental words to describe our behaviours. You are not the cause of our suffering. thank you. It was so helpful to me. Something wasnt right, but you still lay down next to me every night. Now she teaches DBT, has written several books and has a blog called, Previous post: Finding peace amongst the turmoil, An Open Letter to People who do Not have Borderline Personality Disorder from Those of Us who Do, this blog (Healing from BPD by Debbie Corso), Remind yourself that the persons behavior isnt your fault, Tap into your compassion for the persons suffering while understanding that their behavior is probably an intense reaction to that suffering, Do things to take care of YOU. I can tell you, from personal experience, that working on this illness through DBT is worth the fight. While these cries for help should be taken seriously, we understand that you may experience burn out from worrying about us and the repeated behavior. I hurt you again and my fear of abandonment means Im searching for a different outcome each time. No one is perfect and no one has life figured out, we are all troubled in some way. I thought we would be okay, but then something I did angered her. Click on the different category headings to find out more. Thank you for writing this. We may jump from one friend to another, going from loving and idolizing them to despising them deleting them from our cell phones and unfriending them on Facebook. Tell us how mental illness has affected your life. I am sorry I didn't get help. Research has focused on the psychopathological tendencies of children whose One must only have 5 symptoms out of 9 to qualify for a diagnosis, and the combinations of those 5-9 are seemingly endless. Its like every step I had ever taken to better myself since my diagnosis, just never happened. I've spent time in mental health institutions, in therapy, I have made attempts on my own life and I'm 25 years old - I feel I have been through things that most people don't go through until they are much later on in life. All the feelings of worthlessness came flooding back into my head. I am actually building up an identity, something that is ME. You deserve to understand more about this condition and what we wish we could say but may not be ready. One of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder is an intense fear of being abandoned, and we therefore (often unconsciously) sometimes behave in extreme, frantic ways to avoid this from happening. An Open Letter to "Non BPDs" from those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder: Dear Friends, Family Members, Lovers, Ex-lovers, Coworkers, Children, and others of those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder, You may be frustrated, feeling helpless, and ready to give up. Common triggers include rejection or abandonment in relationships or the resurfacing of a memory of a traumatic childhood event. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a long-term pattern of "abnormal behavior" that is characterized by an unstable sense of self, emotions, and relationships with other people. You might feel like you're being held hostage . Thanks for the letter just helps a little with the clouser that is impossible to get. We were taught years ago that BPD was 'untreatable' and it took me a little time to take a leap of faith in DBT. Sometimes the best thing to do, if you can muster up the strength in all of your frustration and hurt, is to grab us, hug us, and tell us that you love us, care, and are not leaving. But you say it is possible to recover to heal have hope and a normal life. I have been reading many different sites and randomly came to your blog tonight. Should I also even bother being a counselor if I am like this? My name was stated here originally, but due to the fact that all of my personal rights to this story are irrelevant the moment I post this, I have decided not to give it. What the person with borderline personality disorder will do is they will make the five calls and immediately attempt a sixth." . ~ Dave M. Also, during those long recovery periods, she will fixate on a distorted, misremembered and misquoted version of something I'd said during the fight, always distorted to be much harsher than what I actually said, and sometimes completely "fabricated" with no basis in anything I said. For some of us, we had childhoods during which, unfortunately, we had parents or caregivers who could quickly switch from loving and normal to abusive. I also see your side and know you must have been through alot with her and you have to protect yourself and your family. This is just another manifestation of BPD. I tried telling them what I KNEW I needed treatment wise, but because it wasn't available to me, they kept telling me I just didn't WANT to get better and wouldn't take the help offered even though I actually did go through all the groups offered, which didn't help because of the other issues I struggled with which they just said was BPDit wasn't. However, when they are presented in a manner as if the struggle somehow evaporates at the end is not logical, because life is never so linear. I've been blamed by doctors who put me on these meds that I'm on too manyand the last one (after I discussed BPD he's a complete idiot and asked *me* what the therapy "DBT" was called) said to me, "You have a serious personality problem", in response to me answering how I'd been doing. I buried and oppressed all my feelings and emotions inside because I was afraid of ruining the one thing I had that made me feel slightly better, our family you and the children. I can only hope with every breath in my body that she can be 'cured' and live a normal and happy life. Wow does this roller coaster ever end??? Part of that process is for the parents to submit to therapy as well. Its as if we havent outgrown that. But at least we're acknowlodging it and it's *&^$%&$& hard! She is also using emotional blackmail, saying if I divorce her it would kill her. I am very excited for your ongoing healing! I am a woman with BPD. Dear people, I have a professional translation of the letter in Dutch. My intention was to describe the difficulty while remaining brief. Yesterday, I had to say goodbye to a dear friend of mine, because I became emotional and said things I never should have. We cant imagine how helpless you must feel to witness this. I haven't spoken to him for a week., and he hasn't contacted me. Celebrities and Famous People With Borderline Personality Disorder. Currently, my BPD symptoms are worsening. Try to deny it. Armon, what a kind, loving husband you are. Mental health Carers Helpline. It's sort of comforting that she said that, because it confirms that I probably finally have the right diagnosis. So for the next two months she drove an hour each way to attend IOP. Thank you for being who you are. It's a long road we all will travel. I handle things differently thru all the therapy and med changesI still wish it to go away..since now have Bipolar tendencies and PTSD isn't this all pretty much the same stuff and the rollercoaster is ongoing? You have come a long way and thank you for helping the rest of us!!! Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. You *can* overcome this disorder! We are highly emotionally sensitive and have extreme difficulty regulating/modulating our emotions. Everyday I sit with teenage girls in crisis, and oftentimes I think they struggling to find the words you expressed so eloquently in your letter. I believe my daughter has BPD. I had an outstanding relationship with her with much in common and few if any disagreements to the extent that I am totally convinced that she was 'the one' for me (I'm a 48 year old man that has been around the block enough to be a good judge of this) and am not entirely prepared to give up on her. I never agreed with the diagnosis either for myself and realized I actually have complex PTSD. I am so incredibly happy that you have found some hope! my life is in shamblesi without her, im just ad much a mess worrying about her, who shes with today tomorrow.. Required fields are marked *. I have found some wonderful resources but they are all for the person affected by the BDP subhuman (heh). I would be a misserable person with no goals. I can tell you, from personal experience, that working on this illness through DBT is worth the fight. Mind Australia Borderline Personality Disorder Family and Carer Group. Between my parents, family, and middle school, I have enough scarring that just won't heal up right. Debbie,I just LOVE LOVE LOVE your honesty and compassion. Another thing that you may find confusing is our apparent inability to maintain relationships. Thanks, i'm going to share this with my partner. I guess my point is, Is there hope for a person with BPD that can even realize that something is wrong despite I can see many symptoms?Thank you so much for your guidance. You are not the cause of our suffering. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a kind comment. It's not your fault. That book made me see that there are good people in the world. I wish she would recognise her need to make changes with help. She spent years in a mental hospital when she was younger now look at all of the people she's helped and continues to help. A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didnt feel safe, and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks. Click to enable/disable Google reCaptcha. I could have given it to my husband and things may have been different. Thanks for writing this. and "WE" your partners love you, even if today, this week, this month, this year, you hate "US"! 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